My name is JayR. You are going to find it confusing when you first look at me. You’ll wonder am I smiling or sad? Am I happy or mad? Wait! Did I just blink at you? Ha! Don’t look too hard. It’ll freak you out. You’ll never know what I’m thinking ~ my mind is kinda like a buzz-saw, which is also be one of my biggest fears. I’m made of wood and vinyl and some duct tape.

Currently, I live with my Handlers at the beach. The lady is a clown, and the dude is a surfer. I guess that explains my insanity and my ability to body surf. Plus, I’ll never drown. Like I said, I’m made of wood. And, yes, I have ALL of my body parts and they’re all made of wood. Go ahead, let that sink in….

I also can’t walk without help. No strings on me! My dude Handler did make me feet (that was a feat!), but I still can’t walk and both of them find it really amusing to put me in weird positions, which I find obnoxious and a little sadistic, but big deal, everybody has problems. They like to say about me: “Doesn’t eat. Doesn’t poop. Travels carry-on.” They obviously have an off-beat sense of humor. Believe me, traveling bent over in a suitcase pretty much sucks! Also, sometimes they don’t actually take me on their trips. They carry what they call “Flat JayR.” Which is a poster of me. No wonder I have a complex.

You’re going to notice that,” I love the ladies.” I meet some really hot girls ~ when they don’t run away in fear. And because I’m a Sagittarius, I am a bit of a chatter-box, which I find rather ironic, considering I have no voice-box.

All I ask is;
Don’t call me stupid!
There is no act!


I have so many hobbies. I just can’t move so I can’t do any of them. I was really into sports but that didn’t work out. I just laid there.

The lack of a central-nervous system and other crucial body parts really affects anything I want to do but that doesn’t stop me from having fun! I like to bull-ride (with help), go to parties (with help), do acrobatic tricks (with help), surf (with help), frighten small children and some adults (I do that on my own).

My favorite movie is “Trojan Horse”. The greatest of all wooden creatures. My least favorite is Pinocchio. I was supposed to be the lead in that movie. He stole the part from me. I could’ve been a real boy. I have had celebrity appearances in various horror and psycho films. For example, I have been Chucky’s Stand-In, in all 5 of his movies. And, you can see me in the background in the 1st one when he’s knifing a guy. We’re pretty good friends. He’s even offered to help with that Pinocchio situation.
And finally, I know you’ve all been waiting for this.
Yes, the rumors about me and Betty White are true. We are in love so don’t judge us.